I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
