i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize