It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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