we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
