smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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