Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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