forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
