So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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