so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.