He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.