I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?