Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend