a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
