There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
