he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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