i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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