I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
