Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
