there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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