bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
