how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
