dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
