this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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