Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse