I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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