I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
