my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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