jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
