Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
