hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
