I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
