yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
