i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
