We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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