dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
