I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
