I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
