I just saw a hot homeless man
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
