Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
