I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
