mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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