Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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