hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
