There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
