You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
