and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
