Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
