I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
