I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He did a backflip because drugs
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