If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
