Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
