I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
