he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
