I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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