Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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