dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
