she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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