The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
