yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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