Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
