Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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